Ah yes, there is nothing like falling in love! Maybe you can remember when you first fell in love. There is something magical about those moments in the beginning – whether those moments last a few months or a few years. You feel like you are on top of the world and have the corner on the market on what love truly feels like. It’s that place of absolute excitement and anticipation of what is to come, and you can’t wait to get there. Have you ever had that? If so, you know what I am talking about. Here are some things that you might also know.

While true love can be the most magical experience you have ever known, the reality of what is required to keep that love alive is something that far too few people ever take the time to learn. The result is a dwindling passion and excitement in your love relationship that eventually leaves you feeling like you are stuck in a relationship instead of blessed with it.

Maybe this is why so many relationships fail over time. The passionate pursuit seems to fizzle down into more of casual drive by affirmations, then on down the road of indifference to a place of wonderment of what the attraction was in the first place. How is that possible?

How did that magic that made love so special in the beginning fade to only a whisper of what it was to where that special feeling you once had feels more like a restlessness as if you want to run away?

How can someone that was so in love begin to lose interest in the other person?

Ever asked these kinds of questions or been in a situation like this… or maybe you feel like some of this is happening right now in your life. If you can relate or you know others that might be able to relate, there is good news. If you think love and the wonderful passionate experiences that are supposed to be a part of love are worth fighting for, and you don’t want to lose that special someone, there is lots that you can do to turn things around. the secret is rooted in this one simple truth.

The desire to feel that you are important (respected and appreciated) to someone else is the deepest urge in human nature.

This truth is especially true if you are married or in a love relationship. Respect and appreciation play important roles in keeping love alive. This is as true for men as it is for women, but unfortunately, most women do not realize that the self esteem of men can run low – even when they look and act like nothing affects them.

Ladies!

If you believe you married a Superman, you are sorely mistaken. In most cases you married a little boy in a man’s body trying to be everything to everyone that they think they should be. It takes an enormous amount of time and effort to bring that little boy inside your man into his full potential. If you are willing to establish your thoughts on what God says about your man, and choose to allow your actions to reflect the same towards him, you will be amazed at how blessed your relationship will become as your interest grows into his fullest potential.

Gentlemen! (and even you guys that aren’t gentlemen)

If you think that the love of your life is not susceptible to discouragement, frustration, and disappointment, or that she does not deal with low self esteem, think again. Believing that lie will be the biggest mistake that you will make IF you want to keep your love alive and thriving. Make it your dialy goal to make your woman feel the ‘zing’ in your heart for her. Become her biggest encourager. Speak life and hope and love over her every day. Build the anticipation of even your next kiss when you are away from her. It will transform her into something so good that you will think you died and went to heaven as a result.

Busting Open the Nutshell to Find the Meat of it All

Consider this, …the human heart is fragile, and whether you are male or female, it is susseptible to pain and discouragement, and especially that of feeling unappreciated or respected (actively loved). When in a love relationship, the greatest threat is not from the outside world as much as it is from within the relationship itself.

Success in relationships require you to do things and be nice even when you don’t “feel” like doing things of being nice to anyone. The secret is how YOU relate to your mate even when you don’t feel like saying something nice or doing something nice for them. It is about always making a willful choice to speak life and health over your relationship, and not fear, doubt, and suspicion or skepticism over it.

NO ONE is always on their game in a relationship. This is why we must make a willful choice to encourage our mates and be kind to them, even when we are struggling ourselves. The focus should always be on the other person and not ourselves. Yes, we all want our own needs met, but the secret weapon against a love gone cold is that even when we have needs of our own that we want fulfilled in our relationship, we choose first to seek after meeting the needs of the other person over our own needs.

This principle is spiritual in nature, i.e. learning to give out of our need in our lives. If we don’t feel loved, show love towards your mate. If we don’t feel respected, show respect towards your mate. If we feel insecure, seek to make your mate feel secure. Get it? Learn to give out of your own needs, and you will reap the same. This principle is best understood when you understand the meaning of sacrificial love – agape. This ‘selfLESS love’ is the driving force behind every lasting love relationship – bar none.

Two Biblical truths that are worth knowing even if you are not a follower of Jesus Christ:

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” ~ Jesus (John 15:13 NLT)

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7 NIV)

Ask yourself if you are willing to do whatever it takes to win the heart of your sweetheart everyday as if it were the first day of your pursuit. This is key to being successful in a love relationship. Also, remember that whatever you are dishing out to others, you will also get the same in return. Wouldn’t you rather be getting heaps of lovin’ and kindnesses from your mate instead of scorn, ridicule, and sarcasm? Of course you would.

The Take-Away and Action Plan

LOVE IS KISSING WHENEVER YOU CAN.

What we say, what we do, and how we act or react can mean the difference between hope and life, and that of discouragement and dispair; the difference between a happy, healthy heart or a sad and broken heart. It can even mean the difference between life and death to the relationship itself.

If you truly have found someone that rocks your world and it is someone that you are willing to fight for to make a life with, be willing to commit to a life of saying and doing the things that make a love relaitonship flourish. If you have found someone that leaves a smile on your face every time you are with them, then determine in your heart that you will NOT let your “I love you” be just lip service to them.

If you can’t imagine a life without that special someone in your life, and you are not just in the relationship for the sake of your own selfish desires and ambitions, be willing to roll up your sleeves and put your ‘love’ into action. Become committed to ACTIVELY showing it in both the words you say and in your actions towards them.

Here is a list I believe provides some great ideas that will help you to make your love interest feel important. You may have already seen some of these in books on marriage or relationships. The list is NOT all-inclusive, so be creative in your own life and see how many more you can add to it.

• Thank them for everything they do that demonstrates their love and appreciation towards you. 
• Remind them continually that just being with them fills your heart. 
• Let them know that they fill your cup and how much it means to you that they do.
• Be their biggest cheerleader and encourager.
• Take them on a date or getaway without the children if you are married.
• When someone criticizes them, let them know that you are with them and are willing to help them work through that criticism.
• Always look your best so that they will be fill that you care about your appearance.
• Be their covering by praying for them more than you pray for yourself.
• Refrain from giving them the silent treatment or avoiding difficult conversations.
• Be respectful even if you are angry. NEVER yell when you have issues with them to discuss.
• Respect their dignity by not criticizing them in front of others.
• Watch your words towards them and choose them carefully. Speak life and NEVER speak death over your love for or relationship with them.
• Don’t make them feel fearful of being called stupid because they expressed themself freely.
• Keep yourself in shape and work at it. The best way is to work out together.
• They are not a mind reader so don’t expect them to be one.
• Watch TV or a movie with them even if it is a program you do not like.
• When they make good decisions, give them praise and encouragement for it, and reaffirm your belief in them. 
• When they make bad decisions don’t criticize him, but help them to work through their bad choices.
• At home or in public, hold their hand – even when you are falling off to sleep.
• Don’t argue with them over money; Discuss things peacefully, keeping in mind that times are tough, and you are not their mother.
• Don’t put blame on them when things go wrong. The blame game is a dead end for relationships.
• If you are struggling in the relationship, do not just decide to bail out of it for what looks like greener grass on the other side. There is no such thing. Take the time to talk things out and share your frustrations, even if it takes repeated attempts to get them to open up and share their heart with you.
• Don’t treat strangers better than you treat them; be courteous.
• When they say something wrong, give them the benefit of the doubt.
• When they get home or come to visit you, greet them with a long hug and meaningful kiss. 
• DO NOT BE A FLIRT or put out the vibe with members of the opposite sex. 
• Spare them from boring details your day or conversations you have had, and get right to the deeper things that came from those events or conversations. Turn your conversation as quickly towards them and their day and how they are doing, and do not dwell on your own day or feelings. 
• Respond to their sexual gestures, and become a passionate pursuer of their heart. The goal is to truly ruin them for anyone else but you. 
• A person’s intelligence and what they know and think are important. Don’t criticize or belittle them when they talk or try to share how they are feeling or what they think about something. Just be a great listener. 
• If you are making plans that include both of you, make sure that they are has agreed to them.
• When you do things for them, do it out of love for them and not a since of obligation. Don’t do things for them for the recognition of what you do, and do not look for or expect a thank you.
• Don’t compare them to your previous love interest or to others of the oppositie sex that you know or see.
• Never speak badly of their relatives.
• Never make them choose between you and their family, or you and their children. Yes, when in a one flesh with someone, next to God they are to be the very most important priority in your life – married to them or not. But, do not force them to choose you over their children. If their priorities are straight, they will recognize that placing you as their number 1 priority under God will allow your children and their children to be most blessed by your relationship.
• If your habits annoy them, work at getting rid of them. No habit you have is worth injuring your love relationship.
• Handle them with much care because they belong to God.
• Men, this is a big one, so pay attention to it. When they need it, help them finish their goals in life, even their education. Be their biggest advocate, even at the expense of your own dreams while they acheive theirs. 
• Give your love interest plenty of time to recover when they are in a bad mood or struggling and need time alone.
• Be a “help meet” to them whenever they need it, even if it is inconvenient for you or for your personal needs.
• When they come home from work, give them time to decompress and unwind.
• In front of your children, be sure to honor and respect them, and never speak badly about them. Children need to see how to properly treat their spouses – or even their boy friends or girl friends. 
• When they are tired, keep your conversation brief, and focus on their needs completely so that they feel protected and nurtured.
• Whether they are in your presence or not, always brag about and talk about how wonderful they are.
• NEVER ever dump the dirty laundry of your love life or struggles in your relationship with your friends. This is brings death to your love, death to your love interest’s esteem and emotions. Take things to God or pray that you can lovingly confront the one you love and try to resolve the issue – even if it will be painful. This is what you do when you are truly in love. 
• ALWAYS speak life and hope and love about or over the one you love. 
• Save enough energy in your day, so that when you are able to be alone with your love interest, that you have enough of yourself left over from the demands of the day to be fully able to enjoy intimate and satisfying time together.
• ALWAYS take the time to hold each other in non-sexually motivated, but intimate ways. It’s not always about sex, but connection. 
• God created spiritual authority for a reason. Wives (and even lovers), learn to look to your man as someone who is in your life to protect you and lead the two of you through life. Read Ephesians 5:33
• Men, recognize how great a responsibility you have to protect and nurture the woman in your life. Read 1 Peter 3:7
• Do not belittle, ridicule, insult or slander your love interest either to their face or to others. Love covers a multitude of sin. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
• Become their greatest advocate for their success in life and promote them to everyone for what they are capable of.
• Write love notes all of the time, make gifts, take walks, and whisper loving things in their ear that only they can hear. 
• Be a continual encourager and recognize their hard work or efforts. 
• Give gifts often, even if they are simple. A gift does not have to be expensive to be invaluable.
• When you fall into sin where your sin had injured the heart of the one you love, don’t just admit it was wrong or that you made a mistake, but confess it as sin and repent of it. 
• No sin is too great overcome in a love relationship when two people are truly committed in their love (remember that love is an action and not an emotion). 
• When offense or sin comes to your relationship, remember that we are all imperfect and all capable of making terrible mistakes in judgment. Be quick to forgive and forget, and move forward as quickly as possible when bad things happen in your relationship. A good love – even when broken – is worth focusing on the reasons you fell in love in the first place.
• When you blow it with your partner, expect that there will be a need for healing time for their heart. Heart wounds take time to heal, so tread gently and patiently there.
• Be willing to go the distance when tough times come and your love will be tempered to last a lifetime.
• Don’t make them feel guilty for the time they need to be alone. We all need recharge time and sometimes its best done alone. Even Jesus went of early in the morning to be alone, or pushed off in a boat to get some time away from the disciples that he loved.
• Show them that you need them in your life not only by your actions, but in your words. Affirm your love for them and desire to grow old with them.
• Here is a BIG one: Don’t allow your family members to disrespect them either in front of them or behind their back. This is undermining to your faith and hope for lasting love, and will erode at the foundation of your love relationship if you allow it to happen. Better to keep family at a distance, than to expose you or your sweetheart to such criticism or ridicule. Set clear boundaries with extended family and maintain those boundaries.
• Stay focused on the things your love interest does right and not pick at their faults or shortcomings.
• Realize that the airbrushed models in magazines are not real. No one is perfect physically and no one will stay young for long. Continually seek to build your mate up by speaking encouragement over their physical attributes that you love the most, and help them with those they don’t like to improve upon them if it is at them.
• Look for ways to keep laughter in your conversation. Yes, there is a time to be serious, but always seek to bring joy and laughter into your communication.

Realize that people have feelings and emotions and they are all very fragile. The choices you make that affect these will ultimately either bless your life or bring sorrow. Remember that we reap what we have sown, so always seek to sow gentleness, goodness, kindness, and mercy into your love interest’s life.

Never stop telling the one your love that you love them, and mean it when you say it. There is nothing worse than an insincere “I love you,” to the heart of a trusting soul.
Every once in a great while, true love is truly realized and it is worth fighting for against all odds, but both people must be willing to make the commitment to love (actively pursue) one another. Almost all of these tips can be applied to all relationships that you have.

If you do not have a sweetheart in your life right now, there is GREAT NEWS for you. If you make it your determination in life to love everyone UNselflessly as these tips enourage you to, it will be easy to love your sweetheart when you meet them – and you CAN live happily everafter once you do

If you have lived for very long, you have met someone who has given up on their dreams or their goals in life. The reasons are always compelling in their opinion. Yet, in most instances, they did not give up because the challenges were too great or insurmountable, but simply because they FELT the challenges were to great. They were controlled by their feelings – their emotions – based on events that came their way while they were on their journey to pursue what they had most wanted in life. If you can relate to this battle in your personal life or know someone who has been defeated by the negative emotions related to hopelessness or discouragement, here are some powerful reminders for overcoming the temptation to quit in life.

Giving into failure (quitting) is more in one’s perception that what they have to walk through is too difficult for them. If this is something that you are struggling with, remember that the nature of personal failure is not that the goals you have are too difficult to achieve. Overcoming adversity is something that everyone is faced with at one time or another in their lives.

Truth be told,  if you are doing anything that is of any consequence or value in life for the sake of others, you can almost be guaranteed that adversity and trials will find you. Overcoming adversity is just a part of life for those who are participating in life, and success is filled with adversity and challenges.

If you have any spiritual beliefs and find comfort from time to time in Holy Scripture, the Bible reminds us that we can “do all things through Christ which give us strength,” (Philippians 4:13). Did you get that? You can do ALL THINGS. But there is a caveat to this promise.

The caveat to seeing our dreams become a reality and no sorrow being added to it is that we must be seeking to do the will of God in our lives. When we are seeking to do His will, we are inspired. When we are actively seeking to do God’s will in our lives – those things that He desires of us – we will be directed by His Spirit. When we are inspired and directed by His Spirit, then the things we are doing have His blessing on them. It does not mean that we will not be met with challenges or obstacles, but it DOES mean that the dreams we have, the goals we have, and the focus of our lives will be God inspired and not inspired by our own selfish nature. The result is our best being realized, whether it is our daily best at work or that of seeing our life goals realized.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. (Psalm 37:23)

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives (Psalm 37:23). How cool is that? When we are being directed by God, then we can have the assurance that He is directing the affairs of our lives. The more we press in and listen for His voice and leading, the greater our confidence and our peace will be in what we are doing – even when trials come our way.  When we are seeking the face and heart of God concerning our lives and the affairs of our lives – even our dreams, hopes, goals or vision for our life He has given us – we need not be anxious about the challenges or trials that come our way.

When our lives are pleasing to God, then we can have the confidence in knowing that He is directing our path. This is also true about the dreams He gives us and the vision to pursue something notable or purposefully meaningful in our lives. While there are some guidelines that are imperatives to follow if we want to act wisely in our planning, decision making, and the pursuit of our dreams, goals, or vision God has given us, you can be assured that if we are in God’s will, then NO trial, challenge, or obstacle in our lives can shipwreck His plan for our lives.

If you have been given a dream, purpose, or vision for your life and you are endeavoring to pursue it, determine today that you will not give up on your dreams. Make it a priority in your life that you will endeavor to surround yourself with the kind of people that can help make your dreams a reality. If you do this, the trials and obstacles that you will face as you are fulfilling His purpose for your life (your personal success story) will be far less challenging when they come.

“…don’t go to war without wise guidance; victory depends on having many advisers.” (proverbs 24:6)

One last thing about the challenges that you will face in this life as you pursue your greatest success. This is a scripture that has spoken to my needs on more occasions than I can count, and it’s encouragement has carried me through some pretty tough times in my life.  It says, ”My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of your lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1: 2-5)

When you choose to surrender to what God has for you, you will be able to experience even the worst of trials and be able to endure through all of them. When God is in your plans, you can always have confidence in His plan for your life being fulfilled. Once you know that God is in whatever you are doing or endeavor to do, when adversity comes, you can be confident that He will not give you so much that you will not be able to endure through it.

SHHHH…. DON’T TELL YOUR COMPETITION!

Everyone who has ever had direct sales success, i.e. who has actually made enough money to live on, knows that you must be willing to develop new sales leads on an ongoing basis.  This is the only way to achieve direct sales success. This is pretty much a given.  The problem for most people in direct sales is that they struggle with the fear of being rejected by people that they approach.

This fear of rejection is most often masked in other excuses like, “I have not had time,” or “I don’t know anyone that would be interested.” Truth be told, a majority of even highly successful direct sales professionals have wrestled with the fear of being rejected by a prospect. Here are four keys to direct sales success that are sure to help you in your marketing and financial goals with the product or service that you offer:

1. Recognize every individual you come into contact with as a potential client or customer, or someone who would know a potential client or customer, and determine that you will build a long term relationship with that individual. Relationships are the best defense against competition that you will ever have. People who are in relationship with you are always willing to do business with you over your competitor if they have a need for what you have to offer.
2. See prospecting as secondary to that of determining the needs of people in and around your life, and seeking to help them fulfill those needs, even if what they need is not what you have to offer. This builds enormous goodwill and solidifies your reputation as someone that is trustworthy and interested in more than just making a sale.
3. Develop a list of non-confrontational prospecting questions that do not have any outward motivation to get the person to make a buying decision.
4. Remember that sales of any kind is a numbers game. The more people you talk with the more people will take advantage of what you have to offer them. Determine the average profit to you per sale, then divide that number into the total amount of money that you wish to make in a year’s time. This number will be the total number of sales that you will need to make. If you are able to close 1 in every 5 people, then you will need five times the number of total sales required to earn the income that you want to earn. How you apply the first three keys above to your day to day activities will determine how successful you will be in achieving your sales goals.

The Take Away?

Even if you own a brick and mortar business where customers are the core source of your company’s revenues, you MUST be willing to speak to people about what you offer in a way that is non-threatening, and that makes them want to have what you have to offer. This is non-confrontational lead generation, and it will allow you to be highly successful in your marketing and sales strategy if you use it.

I am a strong advocate for education and believe teachers should be among the highest paid of all professions, so please do not misunderstand what I am about to say about education and about being willing to pay for a good education.

According to USA Today, 22.7% of student loans are in default at present, with no sign of this number not continuing to rise in the future.

Proponents of higher education respond skeptically to the notion that there would be any kind of a dangerous economic future for those with student loans. Yet, the statistics don’t lie. The number of students who are defaulting on their student loans is on the rise. Such a statistic would point to a growing concern that in today’s volatile and uncertain economy, and highly competitive workplace, an education at any level does not guarantee anyone a job that will be sufficient enough to pay down their student loans and still be able to afford the cost of living associated with an independent lifestyle. The tens (and sometimes hundreds) of thousands of dollars in student loans that came as a result of the hope that a better education would be a guarantee that someone could find a good job is simply not the case.

While a college education may at times open doors for you, it is NOT a college degree that gets you a seat at the decision maker’s desk for the final interview. It is the skill sets, life experience, and business acumen that employers need and are looking for in order to remain competitive. Even still, there are NO guaranties in corporate America (or the world) for anyone, including those with college degrees, even with the skill sets and acumen that companies need. The examples of massive layoffs and downsizing that are in the media almost every week drives this reality home.

So,what is the take away from this post?

The goal in your professional career should not be to find a job but to make yourself valuable enough to a potential employer that they do not want to lose you to one of their competitors. Concurrently to building your personal and professional value is that of recognizing opportunity when it comes to your life and taking advantage of it when it does.

One way to do this is to always be on the look out for business opportunity in whatever form it may come to you. Whether a creative idea that you have or a potentially lucrative opportunity of someone else’s, whatever it may be, IF it is a business idea or opportunity that will allow you to make jobs for others, you will be successful financially. Do this, and do it with the right team of people, and you can write your own pay check for the rest of your life.

I’m a huge fan of multi-leveled marketing (MLM), AKA network marketing or direct sales networks. MLM has proven itself to be at the very top of business opportunity possibilities for average individuals who desire to develop both immediate as well as long term passive residual income where they do not have to punch a clock or be tied to a particular vocation or career path indefinitely.

I have been in a dozen MLM companies over the years, and even been the founder of one personally. I have made a great living being involved in the industry, and I have nothing but great things to say about them and about most of the people I have met while in them; HOWEVER, not all marketing opportunities are legal and are considered to be illegal pyramid schemes.

Those who participate in MLM businesses are by far some of the most positive and enthusiastic people I know. It is an ‘up’ sort of business.  You can’t stay down, depressed or pessimistic for very long if you are in one either. There are some counselors who even recommend that their clients who suffer from depression enroll in a MLM company just for the therapy of being around positive and uplifting people.  However, with the industry of multi-leveled marketing comes the usual ‘get-rich-quick schemers that give the industry a bad name and take advantage of a great deal many well-meaning howbeit naive people.

For those of you who are not sure what I am talking about or who are new to this industry, multilevel or “network” marketing plans are ways to sell goods or services through distributors.  Typically, these plans promise that if you sign up as a distributor, you’ll get commissions not only from the sales you make, but also from the sales of the people you recruit to become distributors. These recruits are called your “downline.”

And as I have said, not all multilevel marketing plans are legitimate. Some are pyramid schemes. It’s best not to get involved in plans where the money you make is based on the number of distributors you recruit, rather than on your sales to people outside the plan who intend to use the products or services. Joining a pyramid is risky because the vast majority of participants lose money or at best just break even while only a few people at the top make the lions share of the money that changes hands.

How can you tell the difference between a bonified multilevel marketing plan and a pyramid scheme? According to the Federal Trade Commission, the nation’s consumer protection agency against pyramid schemes, it takes research, some business sense and a healthy share of skepticism.

Evaluating Network Marketing Plans

What’s involved in doing research? Asking your sponsor and other distributors tough questions, and digging for details. Don’t consider it nosy or intrusive: you are on a mission to check out a potential opportunity that will require your money and your time.

Find — and study — the company’s track record. Look for newspaper or magazine articles about the company. Do an internet search. Look through several pages of search results to get a good idea of the information available about the company. Some of the questions to ask are:

• How long has the company been in business?
• Does it have a positive reputation for customer satisfaction?
• Is the product or service clearly defined and does it meet a legitimate need?
• What’s the buzz about the company and the product on blogs and websites?
• Has anyone sued the company for deceptive business practices?
• Does the company have complaints filed with your local Better Business Bureau, Chamber of Commerce, and/or state Attorney General for complaints about the company?

All of this said, as with any business or enterprise that you find that seems like a good opportunity, not all companies are legitimate even if they do not have complaints filed against them. Most of the time though, you can tell the type of busines it is by the type of people that the business attracts. As it concerns online marketing opportunities, be very skeptical if those who are inviting you to get into the company are living in a third world or developed country as there is usually no recourse in the event you invest money into it and the operators of it decide to take the money and run. The Internet is especially fertile with this sort of activity. If the individual gettign you into a company is not widely known as someone with a track record in MLM or who is not associated with a legitimate brick and mortar based business in a country where law enforcement can take action against that individual, stay clear of it.

Learn about the product. What will you be selling? Are similar products on the market? Is the product priced competitively? Is it safe? Can your sponsor — the distributor who is recruiting you — support claims about the product’s performance?

Ask questions. Ask your sponsor for the terms and conditions of the plan: the compensation structure, your potential expenses, support for claims about how much money you can make and the name and contact information of someone at the company who has details about the terms and conditions and can tell you how much the average distributor makes before and after expenses. Get this information in writing. Avoid any plan where the reward for recruiting new distributors is more than it is for selling products to the public. That’s a time tested tip-off to a pyramid scheme.

Multilevel marketing plans usually base at least part of your monthly income and bonuses on the sales of the distributors you recruit. Keep in mind that if you solicit new distributors, you are responsible for the claims you make about how much money they can earn. Be honest, and avoid making unrealistic promises. If the promises fall through, you could be held liable, even if you are simply repeating claims you read in a company brochure or advertising flyer, or heard from another distributor.

If you don’t understand something, ask for more information until it is absolutely clear to you. Your sponsor and other distributors should be willing to answer your questions. Be skeptical and carefully evaluate the information you get. Remember that your sponsor and other distributors above you likely will make money if you join the program. So take your time, and don’t yield to pressure to join.

Understand any restrictions. Get the company’s refund policy in writing. Make sure it includes the process for returns as well as restrictions on — or penalties for — returning unused products if you choose to leave the plan. It may seem like you’re minimizing your risk if you can return products for a reimbursement, but policies vary on getting full refunds — and how long it could take. Many plans require you to buy training or marketing materials or pay for seminars if you want to get product discounts or create your own network of distributors. Find out how much time and money other distributors spent on training, marketing materials and seminars when they joined the plan, and whether the plan requires you to participate in periodic training. What happens if you opt out of the training?

Talk to other distributors. Ask your sponsor for the names and contact information for distributors at all levels of the plan. Get in touch with them to ask the same questions you asked your sponsor. In most plans, “upline” distributors stand to benefit when you buy into the system, so they should be willing to answer your questions with specifics. If you get vague answers or guesses, ask follow-up questions until you hear — and understand — the information you need to make your decision. Be aware that there may be shills — “decoy” references paid by the company or distributor to pretend they had success earning money through the plan.

Consider using a friend or adviser as a neutral sounding board or for a gut check. You may want to consult with an accountant, a lawyer or another person you trust who is not affiliated with the plan to review the terms of compensation, determine whether the plan can back up any claims about the amount of money you can make, and analyze the information you’ve gathered and the answers to your questions.

Take your time. Don’t pay or sign any contracts in an “opportunity meeting.” Take your time to think over your decision. Your investment requires real money, so talk to the distributors in settings that make you comfortable and when there’s the opportunity to take your time.

Think about whether this plan suits your talents and goals. Ask yourself whether you would enjoy selling products to the public. Find out how many hours a week your sponsor and other distributors spent on the business when they joined the plan and how much time they spend now. Remember that no matter how good a product and how solid a multilevel marketing plan may be, you’ll need to invest sweat equity and money for your investment to pay off. Consider the other demands of the business — for example, training, recruiting new distributors, managing paperwork, inventory and shipping — and factor how much time it could take to achieve the amount of money you anticipate.

Questions for your Sponsor

Here are some important questions to ask your sponsor and distributors at different levels of the organization. Their responses can help you detect false claims about the amount of money you may make and whether the business is a pyramid scheme.

• What are your annual sales of the product?
• How much product did you sell to distributors?
• What percentage of your sales were made to distributors? NOTE: One sign of a pyramid scheme is if distributors sell more product to other distributors than they do to the public.
• What were your expenses last year, including money you spent on training and purchasing products?
• How much money did you make last year — that is, your income and bonuses minus your expenses?
• How much time did you spend last year on the business? How long have you been in the business?
• How many people are in your downline?
• What percentage of the money you made — income and bonuses minus your expenses — came from recruiting other distributors and selling them inventory or other items to get started?

It’s important to get a complete picture of how the plan works: not just how much money distributors make, but also how much time and money they spend on the plan, how long it takes to make money and how big a downline is needed to make money. Another sign of a pyramid scheme is if the money you make depends more on recruiting — getting new distributors to pay for the right to participate in the plan — than on sales to the public.

The FTC works to prevent fraudulent, deceptive and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or get free information on consumer issues, visit ftc.gov or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357); TTY: 1-866-653-4261. Watch a new video, How to File a Complaint, at ftc.gov/video to learn more. The FTC enters consumer complaints into the Consumer Sentinel Network, a secure online database and investigative tool used by hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.

Overcoming destructive emotions and emotional triggers, and dealing a death blow to destructive habits in a person’s life is among the biggest challenges in personal development and personal life coaching.  It does not matter whether the client is a superstar in achievement or someone that is in a habitually destructive lifestyle and knows it. Overcome destructive emotions and emotional triggers so that they do not  resurface is a big challenge for many, but there is hope.

Trigger mechanisms are rooted in painful emotions.  These emotions are not often identified accurately and can… no, WILL inevitably lead to compulsive thought processes and the out working of them in that of addictive behaviors. Addictive behaviors reduce tension caused by the painful emotions.  Before you go beating yourself up over these realities in your own life, it’s important to know that this sort of behavior is widespread in today’s highly stressful, overly objectified materialistic and sex-driven culture. Everyone looks for releases of stresses in their life.

These releases have many faces – some good and acceptable for your overall mental and physical well-being, and some not so good, if not very destructive.  For some, going to the beach and taking a run along the ocean, going surfing or weight lifting solves most of the need for stress release.  Others may find themselves buried in a novel or watching a comedy on TV. Still others may just chill out in a Jacuzzi, whirl pool or get a message.  All of these are healthy tension reducers, and for the most part as for overcoming destructive habits, whether in one’s personal life or public life, legitimate.

This said, I must temper this with saying that any good thing when taken to an extreme can become unhealthy. This is especially true when it comes to having a bent towards sexual compulsions. Sexual compulsions as a way to reduce or manage stress are dangerous to the overall well-being of a person’s self-esteem.  Sexual compulsions can even affect one’s physical health should this form of ‘stress reducer’ end up in that of illicit and/or unprotected sex with a stranger, or even that of self-gratification which leads to a general sense of condemnation and shame.

In the course of every destructive vehicle that one uses, whether it is fighting, drunkenness, sexual promiscuity, or some other violent act, VERY CLOSE ATTENTION should be paid to the trigger mechanisms that serve as stimulants to addictive cycles.  As humans are creatures of habit, we all can break free of just about any… NO, every hindrance that besets our normal ideal lives. By an act of our free will, we can choose to find alternative ways of responding to our feelings, emotions, or impulses when destructive triggers happened.  I know of one example of a woman who was continually abused by her husband emotionally, sexually, and physically for years.

Her trigger was his action towards her, and it launched her into eating… not just eating, but EATING!  The natural consequence to unhealthy eating habits is of course major weight gain.  This destructive habit was triggered by her husband’s insults and discouraging words, and telling her that she was not pretty, good enough and lacked any appeal to him.   This led her to feel even more worthless, un-beautiful, unloved, and inadequate, which perpetuated the destructive habit of eating.

My advice to her was simple. Next time it happens, simply tell him in a calm and assertive voice, “I do not receive that. It is not based on truth, and I will not allow it to continue.” I then told her to quietly and calmly walk away from the confrontation, and instead of giving into the tendency to argue which led to fighting, which led to her husband slamming the door as he left, WHICH led to her eating.   Instead of this, I suggested that she go to her room, close the door, and do sit ups and push ups, as many as she could at one time, alternating between the two exercises, until she was in a full sweat, then drink as much water as she could drink.

I have never heard of anyone giving this sort of advice to someone struggling with destructive emotions, but at the time, it was what came out of my mouth.  How absolutely STUPID, I thought. Did I just tell her to do that? At the time, in the back of my mind, I thought, ‘Man, I will never hear from her again. I have definitely lost her as a client! That was totally dumb! What kind of success coach am I?” Wanting to save face, I didn’t retract what I had told her, and let her go on her way.

She called me crying about two weeks later (we met every two weeks), and thanked me for my advice, saying that, would you believe it, she had lost 12 pounds in the last two weeks, and her husband was so taken by her calm resolve not to react or lash out at him, and surprised that he was not finding her with her usual ‘quart of ice cream and potato chips’ in front of her, that he had almost totally stopped his daily criticisms of her.  While there is much more to this story and its ending, the ‘action’ she chose to take instead of a ‘REaction’ to what was happening with her husband, made all of the difference in the world for her.

My point in this is to say that she had chosen to change her mindset to one of positive action instead of reaction that led to the destructive triggers that made her lash out at him, and cause her to turn to food as a way to satiate her pain. Over that next year she had lost 58 pounds, had gotten her husband to agree to marriage counseling, and would you believe that ‘jerk of a husband’ arranged a re-commitment wedding ceremony to re-exchange their vows, then took her on a second honeymoon on their anniversary?  What had happened here was that this compulsive eating wife had found a suitable escape route to her habitually destructive behavior by not allowing the emotional triggers to send her into a tailspin.

Finding Your Escape Route

Negative emotions are tricky business for most and especially compulsive individuals, because most compulsive people have not learned to recognize the processes involved, and disciplined their minds on how to redirect their thoughts and feelings, i.e. our feeling skills. Here are some emotional escape routes that are most common.

• When we can’t tolerate feeling depressed, we tend to seek relief (fantasy thinking)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling isolated, we tend to seek stimulation (unhealthy relationships)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling like a failure, we tend to seek control (entitlement thinking)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling anxious, we tend to seek tranquility in self-destructive things like drinking or masturbation which leads to alcoholism and sexual addiction.

• When we can’t tolerate feeling criticized, we tend to seek self-mastery (perfectionism)

Staying with the Feeling

When a sex addict experiences a negative emotion he generally fixes it by taking a drink of lust in order to medicate the feeling, in the same way an alcoholic takes a few shot of liquor or a six-pack of beer.  Most addicts have not had any experience from their family of origin in the area of how to have and share feelings.  Dealing with feelings is a skill that you can develop and acquire levels of mastery over, once you have practiced it.  It’s kind of like growing up and not learning how to maintain a car.

It doesn’t mean that you are less intelligent or worthwhile because you can’t fix a car.  You’re simply untrained.  If you were to take a class on car maintenance, you would probably be a good mechanic.  The difference is that the skills you are exposed to and have learned will dictate how you handle your emotions.  Now, expressing feelings in recovery is very important for several reasons.

• In your acting-out days, if you had a feeling, you probably would not know what it was. But if you acted out in some way, the feeling would go away. In this process, you may not have learned to identify feelings and hence can not meet your own real needs.

• In your early recovery, between usually the third to sixth week of abstinence from your acting out behaviors, you may begin to start recognizing feelings. This can seem almost like a thawing out of emotions. It is best to have already begun to identify your feelings so that they don’t confuse or overwhelm you and activate the cycle (unidentified feeling leads to acting out which allows feeling to disappear). In recovery, you get to feel without acting-out.

• As relapse prevention, if you can identify your feelings, you may better know how to handle or manage these feelings in order to prevent relapses. I personally use a spiritual technique of taking my thoughts captive to my Creator’s will. When a thought comes (actually every thought for me since I have an overactive mind), I say out loud, “I take that thought captive to the obedience of G-d, and will not allow it to influence me negatively.”  Then I normally send it back to the pit where it came from. (Any of you who have a Bible can find this reference in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

• If a slip or relapse occurs, you may be able to track down what emotion(s) preceded it and move forward in your recovery process (identified feeling > corresponding need > needs met).

TALK ABOUT IT WITH A TRUSTED FRIEND

One of the best ways to make progress is to have a trusted friend that you can communicate your feelings to when in the process of overcoming destructive emotions and emotional triggers that lead to destructive habits. It is important that you begin to communicate your feelings to a safe person. A safe person is one in your recovery group or a person to whom you are accountable. The person’s role is simply to listen, not really give feedback. When sharing your feelings, it is important to maintain eye contact with the person you are sharing them with. This eye contact with a person may feel uncomfortable at first, but will eventually be comfortable to you. This is part of the benefit of this exercise.

TRY IT

1. Identify a feeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lonely

2. Generate the need present in that feeling . . . . Connect with a safe person for counsel (your life coach or mentor) to work through it if need be.

3. Act to legitimately meet that need . . . . . . . . . . Call an accountability partner for support and encouragement, and do not allow yourself to be alone if the destructive habits you are dealing with are self-destructive like that of alcohol or sexual addiction.

While reading about heaven today – having one of those homesick days – I was reminded of a conversation I had with my son Nathaniel when he was about 7 years old. We were sitting on a tree branch over a creek in Bear Creek Canyon in Colorado with his brother Joshua, and he asked me, “Daddy, how big is heaven?”

I answered him and said, “Son, it is big enough for everyone who wants to be there, and everyone who will be there will have a mansion all their own.”

“Dad? Are there any sad people in heaven?”

“No son, all our tears will be wiped away and we will only love and be happy, but you know what?”

“What dad?

“I am feeling only love and am happy right now because I am with you boys, and you are my happiness.”

I jumped off the limb I had been sitting on with them, and just looked in amazement that I was the father of two amazing little men, and I couldn’t help but tear up.

Joshua, my youngest, said, “Dad, why are you crying if you are so happy?”

“It’s my happiness release valve son. Sometimes when I am really happy, it just oozes out of my eyes.”

++++++++Heaven Described+++++++++

Revelation 21:10-20 (New International Version)

10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God.

11 It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal.

12 It had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. On the gates were written the names of the twelve tribes of Israel.

13 There were three gates on the east, three on the north, three on the south and three on the west.

14 The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

15 The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates and its walls.

16 The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia[a]in length, and as wide and high as it is long.

17 He measured its wall and it was 144 cubits[b] thick,[c] by man’s measurement, which the angel was using.

18 The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass.

19 The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald,

20 The fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.

What a beautiful place heaven will be. I do not think any man can comprehend it, nor anyone who has said they have seen it in this life, has really seen it on all it’s splender. I do know however that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord for true followers of Christ; and this is my hope, that every one that I am given in this life who crosses my path will know before our paths part, that God loves them, has a plan for their lives, wants them to know Him through His son Jesus Christ, and how they can before it is too late. Yet, even so come quickly Lord Jesus.

Footnotes:
Revelation 21:16 That is, about 1,400 miles (about 2,200 kilometers)
Revelation 21:17 That is, about 200 feet (about 65 meters)
Revelation 21:17 Or high
Revelation 21:20 The precise identification of some of these precious stones is uncertain.

New International Version (NIV)
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