Narcissistic Personality Disorder – a Danger to Relationships

Very few people have ever heard of it, but Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an almost commonplace occurrance in both personal circles of influence and in business relationships. It’s not getting any better either.  Narcissistic Personality Disorder has found its way into even school aged children whose parents have been so ill-prepared in raising emotionally (and spiritually) balanced children, that their children grow up thinking and acting out narcissistic behavior. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can wreak havoc on relationships if you do not get it under control too.

It is something that is continually addressed in our personal development coaching and success coaching practice – and many times we discover that it is the result of some of the main stream ‘motivational’ and ‘personal success’ coaches that have brought it out in people through ‘self-help’ products that are eagerly bought up by people who want to ‘take control’ of their lives.

Hey, I am all for someone getting a handle on their lives. Don’t get me wrong here. What I AM opposed to is the result of such teachings and motivational lectures that ultimately bring with it a mentality of superiority and self-exaltation to a place where it does more harm than good. I have seen NPD destroy marriages, bankrupt businesses, and adversely affect the lives of children who are exposed to adults (mainly parents) who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

See if you can recognize any of the following symptom in those in and around your life, or in young adults that you might know. And, as in everything that we learn concerning personal develipment, take a little time and do a serious self-examination of your own life and see if any of these symptoms are present in your own life.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

-  Believing that you’re better than others
-  Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
-  Exaggerating your achievements or talents
-  Expecting constant praise and admiration
- Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly
- Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
- Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
- Taking advantage of others and then justifying your actions
- Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
- Being jealous of others or always being suspicious of others motives
- Believing that others are jealous of you and suspicous of your motives
- Trouble keeping healthy relationships, especially with the opposite sex
- Setting unrealistic goals for yourself or for others
- Being easily hurt and rejected – living from one pitty party to another
- Having a fragile self-esteem and feeling that you don’t measure up
- Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it’s not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don’t value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations or speak over others when they attempt to interject or contribute. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement (an “I deserve this” mentality). And when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having “the best” of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance, even if it is at the expense of others happiness or well-being (the cause of many a bankrupt marriages and cause for divorce when the one suffering does not get their needs met in these material ways).

Most often, underneath all this behavior there lies a fragile self-esteem. If you are one that suffers from this, you have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. The result can often be that you yourself feel better by reacting with rage or contempt, and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.  This is especially common in marital relationships, and the recipient of such abuse can suffer for years afterwards in recovering from this sort of abuse.

If you Suspect that you or someone you know is suffering from this, the best thing you can do for the health of all involved is to seek out intervention and counseling.

When to See a Doctor

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may not want to think that anything could be wrong — doing so wouldn’t fit with your self-image of power and perfection. But by definition, narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of your life, such as relationships, work, school or your financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and confused by a mix of seemingly contradictory emotions. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.

If you notice any of these problems in your life, consider reaching out to a pastor, Christian counselor, rabbi, trusted health care provider or mental health provider. Getting the right help and/or intervention treatment can radically change your life for the good, and dramatically help make your life (and relationships in and outside of your family) more rewarding and enjoyable.

Acknowledgements: Our thanks to the medical staff at Mayo Clinic for their research and medical intervention assistance in helping those who suffer with this diabilitating disorder. Please visit the following link to learn more and to see how you or someone you know can get help:  MAYO CLINIC

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